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Tantrums & behaviourTantrums aren't your child being bad — they're a small nervous system that's overwhelmed and hasn't learned to self-regulate yet. You can't always prevent them, but you can change how fast they pass and how you feel during them.
Before any words, crouch so you're eye to eye. Towering over a melting-down toddler escalates the panic; getting low signals safety.
'You're so frustrated the tower fell.' Naming the emotion calms the brain faster than reasoning. Save the problem-solving for after the storm.
Big reactions feed big tantrums. A calm, almost flat presence ('I'm right here') gives them nothing to push against.
Once they're calm, a hug and a simple 'that was hard' rebuilds safety. Lessons only land after connection, never during the meltdown.
Free: 5 word-for-word scripts for toddler meltdowns Grab five of our most-used calm-down scripts, free to your inbox — the fastest way to feel ready for the next hard moment. Send me the free scripts →Most pass within 2 to 5 minutes once you stop arguing or fixing and simply stay calm and present. Longer ones usually mean tired, hungry, or over-stimulated.
Ignoring the behaviour while staying physically present can work for attention-seeking tantrums, but a distressed child calms faster with a calm, quiet adult nearby.